Honey I Shrunk the Wolverine
by WolvieGal
Summary: this is a cooperative effort by myself, TygerTiger, Slyphia, Dazzler, Loki, Adam Safran, Admiral, snick, HuskPG, Agent 51 and others
1. Default Chapter

"Beast, you have to tell her, you did it!"  
  
"But, Jean, be logical, wouldn't it be better if we let a telepath do it, just to make sure she stays calm. I mean we have all seen everyone's beloved firecracker in an uproar. I really don't have an urge to get my fur singed right now. I just got a hot oil treatment."  
  
"No Hank. You did it, you take the fall."  
  
"Jean's right, Hank. You have to do it." Scott said.  
  
"Okay, okay. What's the number to the Massachusetts Academy again?"  
  
"HANK! In person!"  
  
Jean handed him a set of keys.   
  
"I suppose it would be too much to hope she'd find it funny, right?" He got no verbal response. "Maybe we could just tell her he's gone off on one of his jaunts. She'd never know the difference."  
  
"HANK!"  
  
"Alright, alright, I'm gone. Can I at least take Betsy to erect a telekinetic forcefield?"  
  
"NO!"   
  
"I suppose you are all right. It's Jubilee for crying out loud. She's a teenager. What could she possibly do to a very full grown and brilliant blue scientist?"  
  
"She's gon' set you on fire, homme." Remy chuckled.  
  
"Why me?" Hank asked. Then he held up a furry blue paw and said, "I know, I know, because I am the one who had to try my new experiment on Logan. But did we all forget to realize that he volunteered, hoping to finally be a little taller. How could either of us have known what was coming?"  
  
Jean pointed toward the door. "Go Hank. You know what you have to do."  
  
Like a dog with his tail between his legs he drooped his head and slowly marched out the door obediently.  
  
There was a stirring of clothing and a shifting of feet before Jean said, "Wait Hank."  
  
He turned expectantly, hoping to be relieved of his mission. No such luck.   
  
"Maybe you should take Logan with you. She might like to...see him." Jean handed Hank a shoebox. Be careful, we don't have anything better to put him in yet."   



	2. Chapter 2

"Hank! Thanks for coming! Are we going to a movie? Like old times?"  
  
"Umm, no Jubilee. I think you'd better sit down I have bad news."  
  
"Bad news?" she repeated.  
  
"About Logan."  
  
Her knees gave and she collapsed into a chair. Hank sat down beside her. He picked up her hands and held them both between his own. "There was an accident. I'm sorry. Honey, I shrunk the Wolverine."   
"You WHAT?"  
  
"I shrunk him. You see I was working on a new quantum qualifier when it hit me--"  
  
"In English Hankster."  
  
"I built a size machine and it didn't work quite the way I expected. I shrunk Logan."  
  
"How- how much?" she asked trepidly.  
  
"Oh, I'd say about three inches."  
  
"So he's fine?"  
  
"He's perfectly healthy except for being smaller."  
  
She punched him in the shoulder. "You had me all riled for dropping the Wolvester down to my size? I mean come on now Hank I can finally look him in the eyes. You really had be scared for a second there."  
  
"Your size?" Hank asked.  
  
"Yeah, Wolvie's about three inches taller than me. Or he was."  
  
"No no Jubilee. When I said three inches I mean he is now three inches tall, period."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Yeah, I'd say you could look him in the eye all right. You could have him in the palm of your hand, literally."  
  
Jubilee's jaw was frozen to her knees.   
  
"I brought him with me. Would you like to see him? His healing factor should be taking care of the tranquilizer we gave him right about now."  
  
She nodded. And the shoebox beside Hank started rocking back and forth. Three needles came tearing through, and a second later the box was in shreds.  
  
"Oh he's so tiny!" Jubilee said and reached for him.  
  
"Hank! What the hell have you done to me?" Logan yelled as Jubilee scooped him up in her hands.  
  
"Ooh, he's a lot heavier than he looks."  
  
"That'd be the adamantium, Jubilee."  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHH."  
  
"Whisper, please. You're killin' me with all the noise!" Logan yelled in his newly acquired smurf voice.   
"Hank, can I take him to school for show and tell?"   
"I highly doubt Logan would appreciate you taking him to class," whispered Hank.  
  
"Yeah, you're right. Especially it's like, Emma's class," giggled back Jubes.  
  
Six needle like claws pointed at Jubilee. "You do that, kid, and I'll..." growled Wolverine.  
  
Jubes couldn't help but to laugh out loud. "Sorry, Wolvie... but that growl... it's like a hamster or somethin'."  
  
"I would rather suggest it was closer to Mustela Vison," pointed out Hank knowingly.  
  
"English?"  
  
"Mink, of the weasel family..." Hank started to explain.  
  
Jubilee burts into laughers, tears in her eyes. "Weasel!"  
  
"I'll get you for that, fur ball," snarled Wolverine.  
  
Jubilee finally calmed down.  
  
"I promise you, Jubilee. I will do all in my power to restore Logan to his previous state. But for now, since our diminutive friend had taken care of his makeshift cradle, I need to find him a new one. Could you take care of him until then?"  
  
"Sure, Hank. No problemo. I'll pretend to not feel well and we'll stay in my room." She looked down at Wolverine. "You'll love my drawer, Wolvie. Full o' nice clothes and stuff. I might even let you play with my stuffed animal, if you're good and promise not to rip it apart."  
  
Jubilee walked away, still babbling to Wolvie now hidden in her pocket. Hank could barely restrain to laugh at the little weasel sounds he heard in reply to Jubes' chat.  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Jubilee took Logan upstairs to her room. Then, she was hit by a brainstorm of ideas on what to do with him. She lay Wolverine on her bed, and then ran over to Monet's room. "She has so much junk that she'll never notice that it was gone." And with that Jubilee drug a four foot high doll house inside her room. "Hey, Wolvie! Until Hank gets you back to your regular size, this is your new home!" Wolverine could only stare.   
Wolverine then stared at Jubilee, wondering about her sanity.  
  
"Dontcha even think about..." he growled.  
  
"C'mon, Wolvie. I'd share my bed with you, but what if I accidentally crush you in my sleep?" she whispered. Jubes opened one side of the doll house. "You'll be like home in there. Oh, lucky you. There's even a pretty doll in there... Ok, there's no TV..."  
  
A knock at the door interrupted Jubes. She pushed — rather tossed — Wolverine in the doll house, into the bedroom set. "Stay quiet, I'll get rid of whoever it is," she ordered.  
  
Jubilee then opened the door.  
  
"Oh. Hi, Emma."  
  
Logan looked around.  
  
He was in a doll house... He one of the most leathal men on the face of this earth... ok so right now he was 3 inches tall but still.  
  
Emma and Jubilee was having an animate conversation... he didn't care to listen and most of all if she found him like this he would never hear the end of it.  
  
Opening the door to the next room, in the middle of the room lay a doll... just about his size.  
  
"What yer looking at." he threw himself down on the chair that was by the wall... it was surprisingly confortable.  
  
He heard the door close and the entire roof of the doll house was lifted off.  
  
"Look you have already got comfortable... you know, you're cute when you are that small." Jubilee giggled.  
  
Logan frowned and looked down at the doll on the floor... it didn't have to be a complete waste. He grinned, it could be a good punching bag.   
"Whew. That was close." Jubilee sighed as she leaned back against the door. "How's it goin' in there Wolvie?"  
  
"Fantastic." He crossed his arms. "Now, when do we get outta here?"  
  
"Where is it you wanna go?"  
  
"Anywhere but here." The he realized what he'd said.   
  
"Cool! I'll just leave everybody a note that I'm with you, that way I won't get an earful when I get back, and we're goin't to the mall!"  
  
She leaned down and held out the edge of her pocket. He sighed, looked back at the doll considering his options, then jumped in. Jubes jumped too.  
  
"Hey! Stop that! It tickles."  
  
"Deal with it darlin' an' grab a cell phone. I wanna know as soon as Hank figures out how to change me back."  
  
Jubes smiled down at him. "Now why would you ever wanna be changed back? Don't you like riding around in my pocket?"  
  
"Jubes that's not funny."  
  
But she laughed anyway.   



	4. Chapter4

All the way to the mall, Jubilee could hear grunts and groans from her pocket, but there was no way in the world she would stop in the street to... talk to her coat! People would think she was crazy.  
  
So when they reached the mall, she spotted a phone booth and headed that way. Delicately, she opened her pocket, making sure no one was watching her.  
  
"You can get out now, Wolvie."  
  
"I'm stuck!" came the smurf-like voice.  
  
"How come you're stuck?" Jubilee reached in her pocket and... grabbed a sticky and crimson Wolverine. Oops. He was as sticky as... bubble yum! She put him down by the telephone.  
  
"How did you get yourself coated..." she started.  
  
"Never figured that this stuff gets sticky when you heat it?" he growled.  
  
"Why did you heat it?"  
  
"I DIDN'T! I'm small, but I'm NOT cold, kid!" he groaned.  
  
"All right, gee, cool down." She grinned. "You can't stay bubble-yum coated. Not that you don't look very yummy..."  
  
"Kid," he warned.  
  
"I have an idea! Look, there's a toy store in here. I go get you new clothes, then you can change," she proposed.  
  
"No way!" growled Wolverine.  
  
Jubilee put her fists to her waist, a determined look on her face. "All right, Wolvie. You stay... rather, stuck here and I'll leave you be. I'll call Scott to come and take you home. Ciao!"  
  
She turned and motioned to leave.  
  
"Ok, kid. You win. But I have my say for the clothes."  
  
"I don't wanna down your mood, Wolvie, but I doubt they have 0.1 size cowboy boots."  
  
"Move it," he growled, always sounding like a weasel when he did that.  
  
She took him gently (as much to be careful with him as to not get stuck in bubble-yum) and walked determinaly to the toy store. "And then, I'll get you to the rest room for you to change..."  
  
Jubilee grabbed the first sales person she could find.  
  
"Hey." sah said whit a big smile. "Do you have like clothes or clothed dolls? about this size. she motiond whit her finger.  
  
"Not the cheap plastic low quality but stuff that look real?" Jubilee grined as the fales woman smiled big.  
  
"Why ofcorse we have a new colection that came in this week... it's a new material that resembels and eel almost exaclty like realy clothing, unfortunaly i don't know how much we have left."  
  
Jubile was guided to the section of the store.  
  
Jubilee started to row threw the shelves, moslt dresses and femal clothing. "this is so cute!!!" she grabbed a pick priness dress that sat on the top shelve.  
  
"AWO!!" she jumped as Logan gave her a nail in the side threw the pocket.  
  
she slamed her hadn down on the pocket. "Damn my pen stuck me." she said outloud.  
  
a low grunting soud came from the pocket.  
  
"Do you have clothes for a guy doll?" Jubilee said frowling.  
  
"oh i'm afired our colection are more limited on that section... most action clothing so far."  
  
"Realy? that would probobly be ok." Jubilee frowned she was hoping to be able toget something diffrent for him alittle 'funny'.  
  
Now she had to desied from stuff like a T2 Arnold leater outfit... whit matching sun glasses...  
  
---  
  
Maybe this was not going to be so bad after all logan mused.  
  
how wrong he was how wrong.  
  
Jubilee pushed aside a doll dressed up as a figuter pilot.. Logan still looking at the Leather outfit... that did have matching boots.  
  
Jubilee stoped and looked at something... Logan looked up and saw a wide grin on her face... not good.  
  
she grabbed the box quicly before logan had a chnce to see... behind her back she grabbed the T2 set to knowing that logan would kill her if she let him wear this for a long time but she liked the idea bout him sweating for while.  
  
To make it worse for him she bouth it whit the credit card he rememberd giving her to use in an emergency.  
  
After walking out and when they where out of hearing range of any one litening.  
  
"What the hell did you buy in there... i said i pick the clothes." Logan yelled.  
  
"Oh i just found you something perfect... you will love it." jubilee made her way to the rest rooms finding and empty she locked the door and turned her back to Logan  
  
"So?" Logan asked.  
  
"here" Jubilee pushed the pack back to him.  
  
"YOU CAN'T BE SERIUS!!!!!" Logan yelled.  
  
"Well you don't realy have a choise it have to be better then what you have on now... right?" she heard him mubel something and the how he cut the box open.  
  
"Done." he said and she turned around to look at him.  
  
Before her stod Logan dressed in a Startrek uniform.  
  
"oh god your cute." Jubilee grinned.  
  
"i'm going to kill you." Logan frowned back.  
  
Don't worry i got you this... she pulled the other outfit from her bag.  
  
"Are you ok in there?" someone said and knocked on the door... Jubilee quiclky gatherd all Logans old clothes up in the bag grabbed Logan and stuffed him in the pocket, after checking that there where no gum in there.  
  
And quikly ran out of the rest room.  
  
"That was like major embaresing." Jubilee shruged.  
  
"You're not wearing this! What about me?" Logan yelled.  
  



	5. Chapter 5

"You left him with her!?!?" Jean screamed.  
  
"Well, he had no objections to staying with her."  
  
"I imagine that being with her would be less embarrassing than being around Jean, Betsy and Rogue." Cyke could barely hold back his giggle. "I mean, he's probably afraid that you'll try and dress him in doll clothes or something." Then he couldn't hold back his laughter any more. "Picture Logan in doll clothes."  
  
They all laughed imagining Logan dressed like various versions of a Ken doll.   
  
In the midst of their laughter Cyke burst out, "Imagine Logan dressed like Little Bo Peep from Toy Story." The laughter stopped and all eyes turned a quirking brow to Cyke.   
  
"Now why would we wan' to 'magine somet'ing like dat?"  
  
Cyke caughed into his hand. "Oh, no, I guess not. Of course not. Yes Hank, why is it you left Logan in Jubilee's care again?"  
  
"She's only a teenager. With him in this condtion it's like leaving her with a child." Jean said.  
  
"Logan is as far from a child as anyone can get." Betsy said. "If anyone knows how to take care of Logan, Jubilee does. She's done it before after all."  
  
"What harm could she possibly do to him?" Hank asked.   
Everyone looked at him for a beat. Hank seemed to catch on.  
"We must find them both immediately!"   
***  
Jubilee sat down at the farthest booth of the restaurant. Hopefully for her and Wolvie, the place was desert right now. Wolverine had insisted that he needed to eat, and have a beer. Jubilee, not willing to seem like arguing with her coat, didn't try to disuade him. So they had headed to that snack-bar on their way back at the mansion.  
  
"What d'you want, Wolvie? Steak, rare, and a beer?" she wispered, making sure the waitress was busy elsewhere.  
  
Wolverine climbed up the pocket in which he was hiden and settled down beside Jubes on the bench, between her and the wall.  
  
"Yeah," he grumbled.  
  
"And how am I suppose to order a beer? Maybe you forgot, or I look, like bigger to you, but I'm not legal yet," she pointed out.  
  
"Get me a beer or..."  
  
That's when the waitress came to take Jubilee's order. So she asked for her meal (french fries and Coke) and Logan's (steak, rare). The waitress eyes her funny, but didn't comment until Jubes asked for a beer.  
  
" I won't touch it. It recalls me of my dad." Jubilee made the saddiest face she could. "We were used to go for a snack, and he would always have a beer... and then, he died..." Jubilee ranted so well that the waitress accepted to *put* a glass of beer on *her* table at the condition that she would *not* touch it. She went to get the orders.  
  
"Thanks, kid," came the voice beside Jubilee.  
  
"Don't worry, Wolvie. I'll find a way for you to repay me. Actually, I could think of many right now..."  
  
The waitress came back with the Coke and the the beer she put at the far end of the table, with a strong warning to not touch it.  
  
Of course, as soon as the waitress returned to the kitchen, Wolverine was jumping under the table and climbing the opposite bench, headed for the brew.  
  
Looking around and sure that no one could see him, Logan jumped then on the table. Right, the glass was even taller than himself.  
  
"How will you drink it?" asked Jubilee. She hadn't thought of it.  
  
"Hold the glass, kid," he ordered.  
  
Now what. But there was no time to argue, that waitress could come back any second.  
  
"Whatever it is you plan, do it fast, kay?" And she held the glass.  
  
Wolverine grabbed the edge of the glass and pull himself up. At first, he only succeeded to get his face covered with the brew on top of the beer. But then, he kept his head under the surface, and got nice long gulps.  
  
What neither of them had expected, was that at his small size, the alcohol would hit Logan's metabolism that hard. Two minutes later, Wolverine was as drunk as he couldn't remember. Loosing his grip on the edge of the glass, he dove in, head first.  
  
Jubilee grabbed him by the feet and, sure that he was alive, hide him in her pocket.  
  
The waitress came out of the kitchen at that moment, and placed the meal in front of Jubes. She eyed the glass of beer and seemed satisfied.  
  
"Wooooooman.... of the laaaaaaaaaand...... woooooooohooooooohoooooooman....." came the singing voice from Jubes' pocket.   
"what's that sound?" the waitress asked.  
  
"Huh, what did you say?" Jubes stalled her fast.  
  
"I think, I think it's singing. Really bad singing."  
  
"Oh that. It's a recording of my father. He used to sing it when he got nostalgic. You know the weird stuff old folks do, especially when they're plastered." She said that last as a whisper and finished it with a wink.  
  
"I guess you really miss the old guy, huh?"  
  
"yeah. It's..." Then she pretended to start crying.  
  
"I'll just leave you alone for a while, kay?"  
  
Jubes nodded. The waitress waited till Jubes had buried her sobbing head in her hands before she reached for the glass of beer.   
  
There was a muffled yell from Jubes's pocket. Jubes just sobbed all the louder.  
  
As soon as the waitress was gone, Jubes looked down into her pocket. "You'd better behave or you're gonna get us both in trouble."  
  
But when she looked in he was asleep. Snoring like a lumberjack and out cold. Jubes breathed a sigh of relief. "Waitress! Can I get a doggy bag?"   



	6. Chapter 6

Jubes headed for the park with the roll to feed to the birds. She figured if she was gonna look crazy talking to a pocket, that she might as well do it feeding the birds. *Crazy people feed birds in the movies all the time.* Then as she pulled up her shorts she started thinking about her options. *I must be losin' weight if these shorts are getting this baggy.*  
  
"I could head to an amusement park. Nah, I might lose him on a roller coaster. Or he could spew in my pocket. Ick. Well I do have his credit card.... And there is always a mall somewhere." She smiled. Then the cell phone rang.  
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Jubilation?"  
  
"Yeah, Ororo is that you?"  
  
"Yes Jubilation. Do you have Logan?"  
  
"Yep. He 's right here in my pocket snorin' away. Don't worry I'll take care of him. Is that all you wanted to know?" *Do my sleeves look longer than the last time I wore this shirt? Nah, I musta just had 'em rolled up.*  
  
"No. Jubilation we think you should come back to the mansion with him. It might be dangerous for him in his current condition."  
  
"Oh he's fine with me. I just got him drunk and let him sleep it off. He's not even a bother unless I get on a quiet elevator and then I have to pretend like I have asthma to cover up the sound of his snoring, but it all works out okay. Just like it always does with me and Wolvie."  
  
"I am sorry Jubilation. Did you say that Logan was inebriated?"  
  
"Yeah. He dove head first into a glass of beer and I had to fish him out but he's okay now. He had a blast. I never thought I would see him drunk. Neither did he. I'm sure he never thought that would happen but it did and--"  
  
"Jubilation please slow down and tell me where you are. Kurt will come get you immediately. We need you both to come back to the mansion."  
  
She told Ororo that she was in the park then turned to look for a park bench to sit on. As she took a step, she left her shoe behind. She bent down to grab her shoe and refasten the buckle when she discovered that it wasn't loose. Then Logan started to slip out of her pocket. SHe caught him just as he emerged from the edge of her pocket and quickly slid him back in.   
  
*Yeah, maybe I just need to sit down. Is it just me or is Logan getting bigger again? His little doll suit looks tighter than it did before. Maybe I should try to wake him up.*  
  
"Hey Wolvester, wake up!"  
  
BAMF! "Jubilee can you hear me?" came a voice from the bushes.  
  
"Hey Kurt I'm over here, on the bench."  
  
"Hello. Are you ready?"  
  
"Well yeah I guess so, but isn't Bamfing maybe a bad plan for Wolvie? I mean he seems to be getting bigger and all, but he did manage to get drunk. Maybe 'porting isn't gonna be so good for him."  
  
"Ahh you are right. I thought Hank said he was three inches tall. He certainly looks bigger than that."  
  
"Yeah I think he's reverting to normal Kurt. Even so Let's call home and tell 'em to send a car, or Worthington or somebody."  
  
"Good idea."  
  
Jubes pulled out the cell phone. "Hi, Jean? Yeah. We were thinkin' it'd be better if you sent a car or Warren maybe. Wolvie probably shouldn't 'port. Even tho he is growing. Yep growing. Okay, well hang on. Kurt she wants to talk to you."  
  
"Yeah. Oh mein gott! Yeah. I will stay with her while you drive out. Goodbye."  
  
"Jubilee, I have something important to tell you. Hank has discovered something else about the machine. Whatever he uses it on absorbs radiation and then gives it off in adverse affect--"  
  
"Please Kurt, in English."  
  
"That was English."  
  
"No I mean in plain words."  
  
"Oh. Well."  
  
"Come on tell me. He's not going to die is he? Hank'll find a way to fix him. I know he will."  
  
"That's not it. Wolverine will make himself better. His healing factor will fight off the radiation, but you've been exposed too. Hank will have to find a way to fix you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It looks like it already started. Just being so close to Wolverine has exposed you to the radiation. You're shrinking too!"   



	7. chapter7

"Jean, slow down! It's great that you can telepathically convince every cop that you run into not to give you a speeding ticket, but does that mean that you have to do 120mph?" Cyke asked with white knuckles gripping the dashboard.  
  
"Yes. It's not just Logan this time. Now Jubilee is in trouble too. The faster we get to them the better. Having a couple of miniature mutants running around is probably not the best idea in the world."  
  
"Neither is getting into a wreck at 120."  
  
SKREEEECH  
  
"We're here."   
{Kurt, Scott and I have arrived. Where are you?}  
  
{On a bench under a tree just past the row of drinking fountains.}  
  
{Kurt, how are they?}  
  
{Relax Jean they are alright. Jubilee has already begun to shrink.}  
  
{How much?}  
  
{Quite quickly I'm afraid. It's probably due to her proximity to Logan, who in turn seems to be growing more slowly due to his constant exposure to her as she continues to eminate the radiation he passed on to her.}  
  
{We will have to separate them. They will not be happy about that.} Jean frowned. {How small is she?}  
  
{No bigger than Logan.}  
  
Just as he responded Jean and Scott emerged around a hedged corner. Jean took one look at the pair sleeping in each other's arms cradled carefully in Kurt's hands and said, "On the bright side, we can sneak them both out of here in my purse."   
"I'll take Logan," offered Scott.  
  
Even with his red-glasses on, Jean wasn't fooled by the good attitude of her fiancé. She bet he had a mischievous spark in his eyes. His mind, although he tried his best to hide his thoughts, screamed of the fun he would have to *handle* a miniature Wolverine.  
  
"Kurt will take Logan. And you, carry Jubilee," decided Jean.  
  
After a long minute at debating the ways to carry everyone securely, it was determined that... there was no solution. Kurt and Scott didn't have to get back in the car, and to spare any more problems, it was decided that Jean would drive back with Wolverine and Jubilee. Scott argued, but Jean was the one to finally have to drive, in case there was a medical emergency.  
  
********  
  
Being stuck in a traffic jam wasn't planned. Not at all. But it made the way back to the mansion a bit longer... which made Jean starting to shrink! By the time the traffic jam dissolved, her feet couldn't reach the pedals anymore.  
  
Jubilee was sleeping on the back seat, still shrinking. Although slowly. Wolverine was on the passenger seat, and the frustrated shrieks from Jean woke him up.  
  
"Red, what are ye waitin' fer?" he growled, realizing the car wasn't moving.  
  
"Logan, I... I can't..."  
  
Logan's eyes melted, thinking she was talking about something personal. "I know, Jeannie. I can live with it. You know..."  
  
"Not THAT, Logan! I can't reach the pedals!" she yelled.  
  
"Ok, Red. I'll get the pedals. You tell me what to do," and Logan was already moving - or rather, struggling - to his "battle station", at Jean's feet.  
  
"That's ridiculous, Logan," remarked Jean.  
  
"I know. Let's move," ordered Logan.  
  
********  
  
They finally arrived at the mansion, and that, without a scratch on the car. Jean's telekinetic abilities had indeed made it easier to avoid other moving objects.  
  
In the process, Logan had to cope with some vicious kicks from Jean as she reacted on reflex, especially on the breaks.  
  
That wasn't THE problem.  
  
No, the problem was standing by the driveway, obviously infuriated. It was dressed in white, but it wasn't Storm. It had murderous eyes.  
  
It was Emma Frost.   



	8. Chapter 8

Emma Frost stood there in the drive way waiting for an explaination when Scott and Kurt showed up.  
  
"Well, why is MY student the size of a barbie?" Frost asked almost blowing her lid off.  
  
"You see Emma, Logan was subjected to an experiment of Hank's and the experiment radiated to Jubilee in result Logan and Jubilee are about on twentieth of a normal sized midget," Jean simpily said.  
  
Emma raised her arched her eyebrow,"I do not buy it. Scott was is your explaination?"  
  
"Umm, that's it. What she said. I mean...yeah."  
  
Beast emerged from the mansion to collect his "experiments" literally from the hands of their care takers. "Fearless leader, that explanation was less than, well, fearlessly leaderish. Has Bobby been telling you stories again?"  
  
"Umm, yes. Ms. Frost, your student was ours first, you may rest assured that we are taking care of her, and she will be returned to you as soon as--"  
  
"She is late for her midterm exam. I assume that you would be willing to administer it to her."  
  
"Yes of course Emma," Jean finished. "That is the least Hank can do."   
  
"Hey Hank, don't let me take the exam." Pleaded a very smurf like Jubilee.  
  
"Young Jubilation, due to our dire situation I won't think you will be taking it soon, but once you are full size you will take it," Hank replied and then turned to Jean, "Jean will you please follow me to the lab since you seem to be shrinking."  
  
"Oh my God Jean, honey, you're so small. You know, I have a my size barbie whose clothes would fit you perfectly and it's a wedding dress." Scott looked a little misty.  
  
"God man show some dignity, are you a man or a little girl?" said an astonished Beast.   



	9. Chapter 9

"You may not all want to be so close together, as that does seem to complicate and perpetuate the problem at hand." Hank spoke to all three of the sizeably challenged X-Men. "I'm afraid that is the only way to stop the process due to the nature of the radiation involved. We'll have to keep you all in specially insulated rooms."  
  
"You mean you're lockin' us up?" Jubes yelled just to be heard.  
  
"Keeping you where we can find you while you are this small is also a good idea for your safety. Plus you'll stop shrinking when you are no longer exposed to the radiation, so separating you keeps you from continually exposing each other. We don't know how far you will continue to shrink if you continue to be exposed."  
  
"I for one am anxious to stop shrinking, Hank, so just point me in the direction of the jail cell." Jean said.  
  
"It is the third door on the left. Forge and I have modified the operating rooms. Given your minimal exposure I expect you to be back to normal by tomorrow afternoon. And you Logan, seem to be making some progress on your own as well." Hank said as he handed Logan a towel since he was rapidly growing right out of his clothes. "I imagine that at the rate you are regenerating you will be back to normal by tonight."  
  
"But what about me, Hank?" Jubes asked.  
  
"Well, Jubilee. It seems our resident firecracker has had to take the brunt of this setback of mine, for which I am eternally apologetic--"  
  
"Yeah yeah furball, you can take me to a movie or something. Just gimme the bad news already."  
  
"I think you may be waiting for two weeks before the radiation wears off."  
  
"Two weeks!"  
  
"On the bright side you should be at least of a safe size in 3 to 4 days. But I can't let you wander around outside the lab's insulated room until we are certain that you will no longer cause the radiation to affect anyone else you encounter." Hank's glasses slid off of his nose to the floor.  
  
"Hank. I hope you prepared and extra room for your self." Logan said.  
  
"This is what I get for hanging out with you people!"   



	10. chap 10

"All right already Hank, measure me." Logan said.  
  
"Hmmm."  
  
"Hmmm what Hank?"  
  
"How tall were you originally?"  
  
"Hank!"  
  
"Okay okay my antagonistic and short tempered little friend--no pun intended. You are 5 foot 3 inches tall, once again. Now before you go bolting out of here, let me gauge your radiation readings to make sure that you are indeed safe enough to be around the general public."  
  
"I ain't lookin' to be hanging around the general public Hank, just my friends."  
  
"Weeeeelllllll...."  
  
SNIKT  
  
"The reading Hank. Am I safe or not?"  
  
"Well with those claws you are certainly not safe my agitated--"  
  
"Your attempt to lighten the situation with humor is appreciated Hank, don't go an' get me wrong, just save it for the kid, okay?"  
  
"Alright Logan, you are back to normal."  
  
"That's all I needed to hear." He turned on his bootheel and bolted out the door.  
  
"But where are you going?"  
  
"To the mall."   
  



	11. chap11

"Jubes? Jubes I can still smell ya, even if ya are hidin' in here. Hank said I'm fine, now, so I came to talk to ya. About earlier today."  
  
She emerged from behind the leg of a chair. "Down here Wolvie." She didn't yell. She knew she didn't have to for him to hear her.  
  
He reached down and spread his hand out. She climbed on and clung to his thumb. "Thanks for lookin' out fer me today, kiddo."  
  
"Aww it was nuthin'. You'da done it for me. But Wolvie, aren't you getting re exposed to the radiation right now?"  
  
"Yeah, but I heal out quicker than anybody else, so I figure I can use a little o' that healin' factor to let me keep ya company Jubes. You're not the type to enjoy as much of this solitude as the next few weeks are gonna force ya to."  
  
She hugged his thumb. "Thanks Wolvie. So what's this I heard about the mall?"  
  
"You did wanna go, right?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Well then, hop in." He lifted the hand holding her towards the pocket on the front of his flannel.  
  
"But won't you start to shrink again from being around me?"  
  
"Yep, but it'll get to me slower than everybody else. So when it does start to shrink me we'll just come back to the mansion."   
  



	12. chap 12

  
"Hey Wolvie!"  
  
"Yeah Darlin'?"  
  
"Can I have a milkshake?"  
  
"If you want one."  
  
"I do. Mint Chocolate Chip. Can we sit by the fountain?"  
  
"Right here?"  
  
"This is great. Now if you just hold that milk shake close enough to your pocket for me to reach it, no one should notice me drinking it."  
  
"Whatever you want darlin' I owe ya for the beer this afternoon. Uh oh. Jubes. Hang on. We got company."  
  
Jubes popped her head up to look around. "Where? I don't see anyone."  
  
"It's not what I see darlin', it's what I smell, or who."  
  
"Well Hello Logan. Fancy meeting you here, and alone, drinking...a milkshake? So where is that little adopted brat of yours? Or is it the little tagalong that's with you?"  
  
"What's it to you Viper?"   
  



	13. chap 13

Viper sat next to Logan real close, a little too close even, and placed her hand on his thigh. "Did you miss me, hubby?" She batted her eyes at him.  
  
From inside Logan's pocket, Jubilee muttered a curse word that only he could hear. He had to suppress a giggle.  
  
"As a matter of fact, Darlin', I missed ya a lot!" Logan reached over with one massive arm and took her shoulders in it. He pulled her close, near the pocket Jubilee was in, but careful not to crush her against his little girl. His VERY little girl.  
  
Jubilee's tiny eyes bugged out - what was he doing hugging Viper? Yech!  
  
Logan rubbed her arm with his hand and tried to look as seductive as possible. "I've been thinking about you lately, Viper. I've had a change of heart when it comes to you. Do ya think you can swing by the mansion tonight and we could go on a date?"  
  
He was too much for her to resist. "Su.. sure, I g-guess... so.."  
  
"Great," he smiled, kissing her quickly. Logan got up and left the bewildered woman alone.  
  
When they were a safe distance away, Jubilee climbed to the top of his pocket and gasped. "What the heck was that all about, Wolvie?! I thought I was gonna puke!!"  
  
"I was exposin' myself to her." He sounded very pleased.  
  
"WOLVERINE! You didn't! Not with - gag me - VIPER?!? Yech!"  
  
"Think about it, Jubes... I exposed her to me... and to IT."  
  
He smiled a very happy smile and chuckled to himself.  
  
Jubilee looked up at him and laughed. "Oh man, Wolvie! This is gonna be great!"  
  
"Keep the Viper plan to yourself alright, kiddo. The less everyone knows the better." Wolvie said as he tightened his belt a couple more notches.  
  
"How long do you think it'll take to work?" Jubes asked.  
  
"Not sure."  
  
"Do you think you have enuf radiation to work on her? I mean if your body keeps healing it out, then how can you pass it on to her?"  
  
"You're right, darlin'. That means you're comin' along too."  
  
"Coolness! Wait a minute! Why are we doing this again?"  
  
"If she's in town snugglin' up to me it means she's up to no good. An' she probably wants me to help her. I can't kill her, but if I can remove her from the picture some other way, maybe I can stop her."  
  
"Ya know Wolvie, she might be snugglin' just to snuggle. You're not the world's most unattractive guy. And everybody else who hangs out with her ends up dead, except you. Maybe she's thinkin' you're the cream of the crop."  
  
"Considerin' how she spoke to me at Christmas when she delivered Kitty Pryde's claw back to me, the thought had crossed my mind."  
  
"Wha-- How was she talking to you, Wolvie?"  
  
"Well she is my wife, kiddo. She..never you mind."  
  
"Hey if I'm goin' with you I'm gonna find out!"  
  
"Not if I can help it."  
  



	14. chap 14

Meanwhile Viper Gets ready for the evening...  
  
*Damn! He must have found out about my plans to steal the shipment of toxins coming in at the ship yard tonight after planting a poison gas bomb on that brat sparkler sidekick of his who always hangs out at the mall. Well at least I got the bomb planted on him. I might pull off this heist after all...if I can keep him...distracted.*   
  
With an evil smile she put a dab of poison perfume on the back of her knee, her wrists, and the sides of her neck, eyed herself in the mirror and added some to her cleavage. *Just to make sure he ingests it.*  
  
*But what on earth was all that hugging about? Did he know what I was doing, planting the poison gas bomb on him? Or is he just gettin' lonely? Did he reconsider my offer from Christmas? And how did he know to find me at the mall? Oh well. Just gotta keep him distracted while my Hand ninjas steal the shipment. Hmmm, if I remember correctly, "distracting" should be fun.*   
  
Viper looked at herself in the mirror one last time.  
  
*What the hell is wrong with this thing? I look shorter!*  
  
She straightened the mirror, in hopes of fixing it.  
  
*Now wait a minute, I'm not dieting. What's with my miracle bra?!*  
  
She readjusted the bra, waiting for the cleavage to appear. Nothing.   
  
More adjustments. Still nothing.  
  
More, and more adjustments.  
  
*DAMMIT!!*  
  
Viper grabbed a box of tissues and stuffed half of them in the right side of her bra, and half in the left.  
  
*I haven't had to do THIS since the sixth grade!*  
  
She bent over, and shoved her resources back into their proper place.  
  
"That's better," she spat, "Wierd... but better."  
  
She grabbed her keys and left her hotel room.   
  



	15. chap 15

"All right kiddo, in ya go."  
  
"In where, Wolvie?"  
  
"In the hat. Can't put you anywhere else, she might, eh, find ya."  
  
"Okay, but don't forget about me up here."  
  
"Don't worry, you shouldn't have to be in there long. She'll shrink enough that she won't be taller than me, since I'll be shrinkin' slower, and then you can sit on top of the hat, she won't see you over the brim."  
  
DING DONG!  
  
Ororo answered the door. "What do YOU want?"  
  
"Take it easy goddess, I just came to see my husband. Now if you don't mind--"  
  
"It's all right 'Ro. She ain't lying. I'll take it from here." He stepped out took Viper by the arm and made for Viper's limo. He turned back and looked at Ororo. "Don't wait up," he said and gave her a look that told her he meant exactly the opposite." He turned back to Viper. "You forget to wear your heels tonite, wife? You look a little shorter."   
  



	16. i lost count

  
[Wolvie! She's shorter now! lemme out! Yer head is startin' ta sweat!]  
  
Logan tilted his hat back, pretending to scratch his head, and Jubilee bailed out. She slid down his head into the back of his shirt.  
  
"Aw, jeez!" she yelped, grabbing the tags on his collar before she got lodged between his shirt and his back. "Thank God he doesn't cut 'em out!"  
  
Logan jumped slightly when he felt her crawling around on his neck.  
  
"Well?!?" Viper yelled. "Answer me you *freak*! What have you done to me?!"  
  
Logan realized that all the people in the restaurant were looking at her. She was shrinking before their very eyes.  
  
One table over, he heard an old couple whispering harshly to each other.  
  
"Didn't he come in here with an *adult*?"  
  
"Tsk. I don't rightly remember Norman, but he's got a child in her mother's evening dress now! The pervert!"  
  
Logan stood up quickly as the waiter came back with a booster seat.   
  
"Ferget it, Bub! We're leaving!" He stepped over and grabbed Viper, tossing her under one arm like a toddler, and ran out of the dining room.  
  
"But! But, I needed to use the lady's room!" Viper saw another couple passing them as they were leaving, and she took advantage of it. "I haveta pee and my daddy won' let me! Waaah! Waaaaaaaah!" The couple gasped, and glared at him. Logan was getting frustrated. This was not going well.  
  
"Sheesh, Wolvie - ditch the b*tch already! We gotta get outta here!" Jubilee was hanging onto a piece of his hair and sitting on his shoulder by now.  
  
"I hear ya, kid." He set Viper down. "Now be a good little girl," his voice was loud and dramatic, for the benefit of the restaurant's other patrons. "And go pottie in that room right there where yer mommy just went, okay sweetheart?" Logan patted the top of her green hair.  
  
Viper narrowed her eyes at him and dragged her purse behind her, gathering up her dress in her hands before she tripped on it. She disappeared into the restroom.  
  
"That's it, Wolvster - now let's get out of here!"  
  
Woverine was nearly down to four feet. He'd have to catch a cab now.  
  
Viper hid in a stall and got on her cell phone to call her hand ninjas. She even had to use her code because she sounded like she was an extra from The Wizard of Oz and they didn't believe it was her. Her clothes finally fell off.   
  
She grabbed the end of the toilet paper roll and wrapped herself in it.  
  
"I'M GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM THIS TIME!!" was heard from her stall.  
  
The other women washing their hands frowned at each other. Who would teach a child such language?  
  
Suddenly a toddler in what appeared to be a toga ducked out from under the stall and ran out of the restroom.  
  
The women silently agreed that they didn't see anything.  
  



	17. more?

  
Outside, where a midget Logan was trying to flag a cab, Jubilee started laughing hysterically as she looked down to see an angry baby in white rags and green hair trying to stomp on his boot.  
  
Logan looked down. "Jubes, lookit. There's a bug crawlin' on my boot," he smirked.  
  
Viper stomped her feet, screaming all sorts of obscenities at him. While she ranted on, he bent over and picker her up by her hair. The Toilet Paper fell away completely in the breeze. Logan laughed out loud.   
  
"Smatter, Viper? Why didn't ya just use the tissues you stuffed in yer bra?"  
  
Jubilee laughed so hard she started sliding down the front of Logan's shirt.  
  
Just then, several hand Ninjas ran up and assumed fighting stance around Logan. They tilted their heads at their fearless leader. She was about 14" tall, and dangling stark naked from Logan's fingers. She still had green hair and was pissed off, so it was definitely Viper.  
  
"Call off yer lackeys or I won't solve yer little shrinking problem, woman!"  
  
"He means it! You-" Jubilee slipped, and fell in his pocket. Then she popped her head out and continued, shaking a *very* small finger at her. "You'll be a paramecium if you don't do as he says!"  
  
Logan raised his eyebrows at Viper, waiting. Just then a cab pulled up. "Doya need a ride, kid?" the driver asked.   
  
Logan fumed.   
  
"Who're ya callin' 'kid', Bub?!?"  
  
"Now you know how I feel..." Jubilee muttered.  
  
Wolverine jumped into the cab still holding an irate Viper.  
  
"You'll pay for this Logan," squeaked Viper. "Hands attack!!" The confused Hands just watched as the door shut on the cab and it roled away from the curb.  
  
"Where to kid?" repeated the cabbie.  
  
"Xavier's Institute, Westchester and stop calling me kid, Bub!"  
  
"Sure whatever you want sonny."   
  
Wolverine released a growl but it came out more like that of a puppy than of a lion causing Jubilee to unsuccessfully muffle a snicker.  
  
"It was your doing you little brat," shrieked Viper who was now almost the same size as Jubilee. "I'm going to kill you!!" Viper shouted lunging at Jubilee, who had now crawled out of Logan's pocket. Viper forgot that Logan was still holding onto her hair and her attack fell far short of Jubilee. She then turned and started pounding at Logan's hand,"When I get big again I'm going to torture you both so bad you'll be begging me to kill you!!"  
  
"Don't you mean if you get big again?" smirked Jubilee.   
  
Speeding through the night at the 'kid's' request, with the incentive of Xavier's platinum credit card and the promise of a 20% tip, the taxi cab screamed its way to the mansion.  
  
All the while the driver kept looking in the rear-view mirror at the hallucination in the back seat. What looked like a teenage Asian fairy and a green-haired naked fairy were crawling all over a middle-aged midget who seemed to be caught in the throes of werewolf transformation.  
  
*I seen some wierd s#*! in my time, but dis takes da proverbial cake!* thought Erik Abdhul Vanderver-Mohammed, New York native and illegitamate son of an Arabian oil sheik and a Swedish skin model.  
  
"I'm gonna kill her! I've had it with her mouth!"  
  
Jubilee sat on Logan's shoulder and stuck her tongue out at the dangling villian. "Yer just jealous 'cuz Wolvie *loves* me, and he hates you, even if you are naked and married to 'im!! Hahahaaa!!"  
  
Wolverine laughed out loud. Never one to refuse a beautiful, unclothed woman in his hands - and this one was even his 'wife' - he realized Jubilee was right.  
  
"I hate you! I hate you both! I'm gonna kill you!"  
  
"What do ya plan to do, woman? Bite me in the big toe to death?" He laughed harder.   
  
Jubilee slid off his shoulder again and fell in his pocket. Logan could feel her whole body shaking with laughter.   
He smiled, and looked up to see the mansion. Beast was already running out into the drive, box in hand for isolating Jubilee. He opened the door to the cab and Jubilee jumped into his hand.  
  
"Yer gonna need another box for Little Miss Baaaaad attitude, Hank."  
  
"Oh my stars and Action Figures! When did they start making Barbie Viper?! "  
  
"I'm gonna kill you too, you blue-haired freak!"  
  
"Hank, take this pest away from me a'fore I squash her," Logan growled. "An yer gonna have to welcome my cabbie here into the lab as well. How're yer shoes fittin' ya, Erik?"  
  
Erik had to admit they had gotten loose on him since this delusion had started. "Dat tip better be as big as ya said it was gonna be, mister. Or I better wake up, right quick."  



	18. i screwed this up once, let's see if i c...

"That's it! This is too much! All of you into your cells! This is ridiculous. If you all keep going at this like it's a joke instead of treating it like the danger that it is all of New York will be smurf sized...or worse. None of you are coming out until the radiation is gone! No pouting Jubilation! I'll get you a phone or something, but you can't leave the cells anymore! I mean look at this you've already exposed a civilian!" Screamed Jean quickly losing her cool, despite being of normal size once again and clad in the specially designed radiation proof suit.   
  
"It might be better if we sedated the cabdriver until he recovers." Beast suggested.  
  
"Good idea."  
  
"And a mind wipe might be in order."  
  
"We'll save that for later." Jean said as she and a slightly-less-than-huge Beast carried the unconscious cabdriver to the nearest cell.  
  
"Now the rest of you, into your cells. NOW!"  
  
"Jean, I need to tell you somethin' darlin'. It's important. Viper's not here by accident. She's plannin' somethin. If I'm stayin' in this cell, the rest of you better start tryin' to figure it out. She left some hand ninjas at the restaurant. Take Psylocke with you. You'll need someone with ninja training to deal with them. I'll be with you as soon as I can." Wolvie winked and headed for a cell.  
  
"Stop it! Stop it right now you two!" Jean screamed and used her forefingers to pry apart a tiny Jubilee and a tiny Viper each trying to tear the other's hair out. "Honestly this is ridiculous." She said as she placed each one in a cell and locked the door to Viper's cell from the outside. "Beast you are the last one."  
  
"Alas this I know, Jean. I will go, but I will not go quietly--"  
  
"Save the poetry Hank. I have a headache and this suit is sweaty. I'll be back to check on you in an hour or so when we expect you and the cab driver to be back to normal. In the mean time, try to keep the peace okay?"  
  
********************  
Meanwhile  
down at the docks  
  
"Where's Viper?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Anybody seen her?"  
  
"Not since she went to the mall today to try and kidnap Wolverine's brat."  
  
"Should we look for her?"  
  
"Nah, she'll send the signal when she wants us to start. For now we can just wait. Anybody up for a game of poker?"   
  
*Attention X-Men* Jean projected her thoughts across the mansion grounds. *Viper is in town. That means trouble. Everyone head to the ready room immediately. Psylocke especially; we'll need your knowledge of the hand's procedures to plan an attack.*  
  
Ten minutes later Scott, Jean, Warren, Betsy, Bobby, and the professor were gathered around a table in the ready room.  
  
"Wolverine and Beast are temporarily out of the game due to the radiation created as an unintended side affect by Hank's size machine. They'll join us as soon as they can. In the meantime we don't know what Viper is here for, but her ninjas have been spotted in town. She keeps a low profile so if she's here she's up to no good." Jean explained.  
  
"And that makes it our job to find out what she's up to and stop her." Scott added.  
  
"I'll scan the area for her ninjas. If we can find out where they are perhaps we can discover their plans. When I discover anything I'll notify you telepathically." said the professor.  
  
"The hand don't like to stick around for long, check anywhere that has access out of the city, especially   
off of the mainland. They like to keep out of public sight." Psylocke said.  
  
"That leaves us with private airports and water ways." Angel said. "And it implies that they'll be pulling their job in the dark of night, the later they better."  
  
"Time is crucial people, keep low and Jean will keep us in touch. She'll stay here with the professor. We'll split up into teams. Angel and Psylocke take the north, Iceman and I will take the south."  
  
"And remember," Psylocke added, "Viper's into poisons. So beware. Her lackeys are bound to have some to use on us should we attempt to interfere with her plans, which we will."  



	19. that's the chance you take when you co w...

an hour or so later  
Back in the med-lab  
  
"You scan fine Beast. Come on out." came Jean's voice from the muffled interior of a radiation proof suit. "Logan you're next. Hold still while I scan you."  
  
"I'm fine Jeannie, I can feel it." He said.  
  
"Yes. Jubilee you're next. I know you're not clean yet, but I want to run a preliminary scan on you as well to keep track of the rate of your radiation healing. Please step back from the door." Jean said into the intercom outside of Jubilee's cell door. "Everyone out of the room before I open the door." Jean called over her shoulder, but Logan was already gone, and Beast had bounded back to his lab to continue modifying his machine.  
  
"Jubilee?" Jean called.  
  
"BOO!" Jubes jumped out from behind the door, just over a foot tall.  
  
"AHHHH! What'd you do that for?" she asked exasperated.  
  
"I'm bored, why else?"  
  
"Well, you're healing faster than you were before. It seems you are producing antibodies to the radiation at an increased rate, probably due to your exposure earlier. Almost like your body was fighting an infection."   
  
Jubilee just looked at the ridiculous-looking anti-radiation-suit clad Jean and said, "So when the heck do I get outta here?"  
  
"At this rate, probably in less than a week."  
  
"What about the cab driver?"  
  
"Oh I forgot all about him! I'll see to him right away thanks Jubilee." and with that she slammed the door to Jubilee's cell.  
  
###############  
[Logan's thoughts]  
  
As soon as he was radiation clean he took off for the garage and his scoot, hopped on and burned rubber. Destination: the docks. Goal: find Viper's hands and throw a monkewrench into Viper's plan.  
  
He grinned. [Anything for the little wife.]  
  
[I caught the scent of fish and seawater on Viper earlier today. That means the docks on the other side of the bay. Psylocke'll be sure to get the rest of the X-Men there; she knows what to look for. Hopefully I'll beat 'em there and have this situation under control before any real fighting breaks out. After all she is my wife. I should be the one to deal with her mess. But just in case things get a little crazy, I'll have the rest of the team as back up.]   
  



	20. is anybody reading this?

"One mindwiped cabdriver on his merry way, thank you Jean, now shall we join our comrades in action?" Beast asked.  
  
"Just a moment and I'll find out what the plan is." Jean said before returning to her telepathy. *How is the search coming Scott?*  
  
*Iceman and I haven't found anything. What about Psylocke and Archangel?*  
  
*PSylocke. Any sign of Viper?* Jean asked.  
  
*Archangel spotted some Hand ninjas down by the docks. We're headed there. We think they are using an abandonned warehouse as a base. But no sign of activity yet.*  
  
*Great Psylocke. We are all on our way.* Scott said using his link with Jean to communicate with the entire team.   
  
*Jean, you stay with Jubilee and Viper. I don't trust her in the mansion without supervision.*  
  
*Has anyone seen Logan?* Psylocke asked.  
  
###########  
  
Logan left his scoot outside of a bar two blocks away from the docks and ran the rest of the way.   
  
[This warehouse must be where Viper's hiding her goons. I can smell her all over it. And it has the same smell that I caught on Viper earlier tonight.]  
  
Logan snuck inside the warehouse.  
  
########  
  
Meanwhile.   
  
Psylocke, Angel, Cyclops and Iceman were systematically surrounding the warehouse, unaware that Logan was inside. Beast was on his way.  
  
#########  
  
One by one Logan began picking off ninjas, just as the X-men were making their way inside. One ninja uttered a cry before Logan silenced him. The rest dropped their playing cards and dove on Logan just as the poison gas bomb in his back pocket went off.   
  
#########  
  
The X-Men heard the commotion and came charging in ready for a fight...only to find a heap of ninjas passed out on the floor, in the midst of which was Wolverine who had a strange green gas cloud erupting from his behind.   
  
  



	21. don't got one

*I think that we need back up here Jean*  
  
*Why? What's happened?*  
  
*Just hurry and get here, Oh and tell Beast to bring some gas masks* Cyclops eyed the green cloud speculatively.  
  
*What?* sceamed Jean telepathically.  
  
*Just do it please Jeannie and I'll explain everything when you get here.* "I hope" he muttered.   
  
"Well, it looks like you've managed to take care of everything here, Wolverine. But is this a mutant power you failed to mention to us, or did you have Mexican food for dinner last night?" Cyke struggled to keep a straight face as he spoke.  
  
Wolvie retracted his claws and climbed over the piles of dead Hand Ninjas. The green cloud followed after him in trails like a tail. As he approached teh group, the gas coming with him, the X-Men backed away.  
  
A click from the group of surrounding X-Men drew his attention. Iceman held a camera. "For posterity." He snickered.  
  
"What?" WOlvie asked.  
  
"Here's the gas masks you requested." Jean said as she burst in. Just then WOlvie turned to see the tail of gas attached to his behind. He backed away from the X-Men to take the gas as far away from them as he could.  
  
"I didn't realize Viper's bomb was attached to me." He growled as he kept away while the X-Men put on their gas masks.  
  
"Viper! I left her home alone with Jubilee while I brought you the masks!" Jean yelled.  
  
"Archangel, fly her home quickly. We'll clean this up and follow." Cyke said.   
  
  



	22. nope

Jubilee climbed up the door to her giant prison and hung off the doorknob, turning it as she fell. The door creaked open and she snuck out.  
"COOL!" she yelled in a tiny voice, "Good thing Jean didn't think she had to lock my door! The house is empty! It's all mine! Now I can go taunt Viper!"  
  
"Hey Viper! Yeah you, the leprachaun wannabe! Up here on the window sill. You are so lucky that you're locked in there, and I'm out here or I'd be kickin' your butt so far into next week you could meet your grandkids. Oh wait to have grandkids you have to have kids, and to have kids you have to have what Wolvie ain't givin' you, wife or not!" Jubilee yelled and laughed so hard she fell over backwards and almost tumbled off the window she'd spent the last half an hour climbing up to.  
  
"You disgusting little brat! Just you wait until I am back to my normal size!" Viper scrambled to the top of the chair near the window.  
  
"Why wait? COme and get me now! I thought so. Not Woman enough to get out of your little cage and certainly not woman enough for Wolvie. You had to sucker him into marryin' you!"  
  
"Listen up you! You're just lucky that I didn't kill him right after the ceremony like I planned to do."  
  
"Oh give it up greenie, you tried, and you failed. You're just a lousy sack of green barf. You couldn't kill Wolvie if your life depended on it. And he's the only thing keepin' you alive right now. I wouldn't wanna upset him by makin' him a widower."  
  
"That's IT!" Viper leapt for the doorknob. She thrust her tiny hands between the door and the jamb until she had picked the lock. Then she stormed out and around the corner to the window where Jubilee was.  
  
"OH great! Me and my big mouth. Well at least I am a little bigger than her. Maybe I'll just set her hair on fire, I'll bet whatever she dyes it with is flammable!"   
  
"Well?!!? Are you going to come down here LITTLE GIRL, or are you afraid of me?!"  
  
Jubilee was a little afraid of her, but she had a problem with being called a chicken, kind of like Marty McFly.  
"I ain't afraid of NUTHIN, you green witch," she sneered and proceeded to climb down the window.  
  
***  
  
Just like going up, it took Jubilee 30 minutes to climb down. Viper had to coach her, because she couldn't see where she was going this time.  
  
"Now bring your left foot an inch forward, and there's this little crack in the plaster."  
  
"Here?"  
  
"No, no, up a little."  
  
"Here?"  
  
"Yes, that's it. Now take your right hand..."  
  
***  
  
Jubilee jumped down the last five inches and stood before Viper.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Not a problem."  
  
Jubilee crouched suddenly and with her fists held tight, she snarled at Viper. "Let's get it on, Poison Barbie!"  
  
"Anytime... Skipper." ~^~  
  
Viper slashed out at Jubilee with her green claws, but Jubes was too fast. She avoided the claws and did a backwards handspring.  
  
~ Well, the kid can move, I'll give her that. But can she avoid my fists? ~  
  
As soon as Jubes landed, Viper threw a punch that connected with her face. Jubilee tottered back a little, holding her cheek in shock.  
  
"You hit me!" she cried. "I'm just a kid! How could you?!"   
  
Viper stood up straight, all the fight out of her. Evil she was, but beating up minors was not a talent she wanted to be known for.  
"I'm sorry, let's not fi-"  
  
Before she could get the words out, Jubilee decked her and she hit the floor. "SUCKER!" she screamed, laughing.  
  
Viper rubbed the green blood from her lower lip. She narrowed her eyes and looked up at Jubilee. "If THAT'S how you want to play..."  
  
She stood up and advanced on Jubilee.  
"That's how I wanna play!" Jubilee jumped on her and they fell to the floor, a mess of limbs and hair and fists and teeth.  
  
"You SUCK!" yelled Jubes, punching her in the stomach.  
  
"Ooof!" All the air left Viper's lungs. "You think Wolverine's in love with you!" Viper kicked her in the leg.  
  
"Owch!" Jubilee reached down to rub her shin. She grabbed Viper by the hair and yanked her head back. Jubilee slapped her over and over, once for each word. "Wolvie! Will! Never! Want! You! Like! You! Want! HIM!!"  
  
Viper grabbed her by the throat and Jubilee yanked her hair even harder. And that was how Jean and Angel found them.  
  
"STOP THIS AT ONCE!" The fighting barbies looked up to see the huge adults standing before them. "Viper, let the girl go. Jubilee, release Viper's hair. NOW."  
  
They did as they were told, grumbling, and stood up.  
  
"Now just stay there so that I can get you isolated and cleaned up." Jean turned to leave and told Angel to stay and watch them. When Jean was gone, Angel looked down at Jubilee and winked at her. She winked back. Jubilee sucker-punched Viper in the jaw before Jean could get back. The green woman fell to the ground, unconscious.  
  
When Jean returned, she looked down at Viper, then at Jubes who simply shrugged, then at Angel.  
"She fainted," was all he offered. 


	23. back on the ball

"Jubilee, put Viper back in her cell, and then get back in yours, please." Jean said. "I guess i have to put another lock on her door.  
  
"Jean I'm goin' stir crazy in here."  
  
"I'm sorry Jubilee, there's nothing I can do. You just have to keep that radiation away from everyone."  
  
"Don't you have a radiation proof suit, for tending to the radiation affected patients?" Angel Asked.  
  
Jean nodded. Jubes beamed, picking up right away on what he was thinking.  
  
"Shouldn't it work both ways?"  
  
Jean stopped adding the second lock to Viper's cell door. "I suppose it would."  
  
"Please oh please oh please Jeannie! C'mon lemme out. I'm one o' the good guys remember?" Jubes pleaded.  
  
"Alright. Here you go, but it's going to be really big."  
  
Jubes fit her whole body into just the torso part of the suit. The sleeves and pantlegs hung off like streamers.  
  
"You see, Jubilee, it's not going to work until you're bigger." Jean said.  
  
"No way. Wolvie'll carry me, and no one'll get exposed. It's great and I have room to grow back to my normal size."  
  
Just then Wolvie walked in grumbling something about Viper, a flaming bomb and how badly Iceman was gonna get it. "Did I hear that right kiddo?"  
  
"Take me somewhere Wolvie please! Anywhere, I just have to get out of this cell."  
  
Wolvie walked over and picked her up, then wrapped the sleeves and pantlegs around her torso to keep from tripping on them. "Jubes darlin', you look like a toddler in a grown up's space suit."  
  
"I don't care just get me outta here!"   
  
"Darlin', I gotta have a shower. All I can smell is Viper and that bomb, and with my nose, it ain't a pretty smell." Jubes tried to butt in, but she didn't get far. "An' after that I wanna brew while I'm decidin' how best to slice an' dice the Ice."  
  
"Hmmph." Jubes really couldn't argue. He'd made up his mind and that was that. "Can I at least watch TV? Until you are ready to go, that is?"  
  
"I don't see why not."  
  



	24. sorry about that mixup folks now lets ge...

No sooner had she begun pressing buttons on the remote through the fabric of the radiation proof suit, than she began to think about what Wolvie had said about Iceman. Jubes suddenly felt a twinge of pity for her compadre in pranks. *He's gonna get it. I wonder what he did. Let's go find out. *  
  
So she crawled down the hall to Bobby's room. I twas the only way she could manage to move the heavy suit she was wearing. She knocked and when Bobby answered the door, he didn't see her, and he closed it again. So she knocked again. This time when he opened the door she tried to grab his pant leg, but she tripped over the suit and missed. He closed the door again. Jubes pounded on the door one more time. And when he oped it she wailed as loudly as she could.  
  
*Man oh man! What have I done now? I could've sworn that all the girls said they were on the pill. A baby is the last thing I need. Especially with the Wolvster looking to kill me for the picture I took of him. Wait a minute! Maybe he won't kill me if I'm holdin' a kid!* "Kid your mom was an angel, even if I can't remember who she was!"   
  
"Bobby", Jubilee yelled.  
  
"Mommy, I'm not your mommy kid. Why do you have this thing on?" Bobby wondered if he should take it off.  
  
"There's no note so lets see what you look like so I can figure out which one of the Broads lied to me."   
  
Bobby pulled the kid out of the soot and promptly dropped her on the hard wood floor. "Jubes?" he asked uncertainly.   
  
"Of course it's me," Jubes fumed rubbing her soar bottom.  
  
Though confused Bobby still realized that Logan was after him for that picture so he said,"Quick get inside!"  
"What are you doing in this space suit crawling in the hallways?"  
  
"I was trying to find out what Wolvie's so hot at you about."  
  
"Oh, that heheh" Bobby chuckled nervously.  
  
"He just wanted to see a picture I took of him."  
  
"Can I see it?"   
  
"Sure Jubes, here you go."  
  
"Hehehe, Hahaha, Oh this is too good!!"   
  
By now Jubes was rolling on the floor laughing.  
  
Bobby was joining her more boisterousely all the time,  
  
Though he didn't realize it he was also joining her in size, because she forgot to put the suit back on.   
  
They suddenly heard a growl outside the door.  
  
Bobby and Jubes both sobered up instantly.  
  
Bobby then noticed that his clothing was very loose.  
  
"Jubes," he whispered," Why were you in that suit?"  
  
"Uh oh, it was so that I would spread radiation and shrink anyone else." Jubes whispered back as she was hurridly trying to get the suit back on.  
  
"I know your in there, Popsicle. So if you value being able to breath you'd better hand over that picture, Bub."  
At that Bobby immediately froze up *Literally*   
  
Bobby now covered completly in ice weighed his options, If I open the door he'll kill me if I don't he'll kill me." So it's settled. Bobby reached for the doorknob as the door was pushed open. Reflexively Bobby conjured up a large snow bank pushing Logan ten feet down the hall and covering him in a mountain of snow.   
  



	25. more's comin'

Meanwhile  
  
"Let me out of here! You can't keep me here!"  
*When I get out they'll be sorry that they ever did this to me. How could they shrink me and keep me locked up like this?* Viper was fuming. *I can't believe that Logan found my Hands just in time for that bomb to explode, this has to be the unluckiest day of my life. I wonder how he shrunk that kid and me? Hey, maybe I could get my Hands to steal it. It could be a very useful weapon. I wonder which one of my enemies I would squash first?*  
  
"Rooaaarrr, Popsicle you had better get your icy little butt back here with that picture" Wolverine's voice echoed down all of the halls.  
  
"Yo, Wolverine chill out it's not such a bad picture, really," said an ever-growing Jubilee.  
  
*Her she's the one that did this, I'm going to get her!*   
  
"Just keep running Jubes! When we find a place to catch our breath you can spend your first one explaining this to me." Bobby said as he grabbed Jubes by thw wrist and draged her away from the snowpile mountain at the other end of the hall...a snowpile mountain that was now erupting molten hot and angry Wolverine.  
  
"But Bobby! You need a suit! The space suit like I have. Head for the med lab."  
  
When they reached the med lab and locked the door behind them Bobby turned to face Jubes. "Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do!"  
  
"The short version goes a little like this: Hank built a shrink ray, but whatever he shrinks carries the radiation and exposes anything else it's near. I was in the suit to keep from contaminating everybody else."  
  
"You already told me that. WHat do I need a suit for if you are in one?"  
  
"You're shrinking too."  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"Then how come your shoulder is only doorknob high?"  
  
"What!"  
  
"Cripes Jubes why didn't you say something earlier?"  
  
"I tried to tell you!"  
  
Just then the door shook as Wolvie pounded on it from the other side. "I know you're in there Popcicle!" Hand over the photo and I'll let you live!"  
  
"What photo?" Jubes asked. Bobby looked at her like her IQ had just shrunk as well.  
  
"Don't worry about it Jubes. But if you help me out I'll take you to the mall."  
  
"You were gonna do that already Wolvester. Try again." She giggled.  
  
"What are you doing?" Bobby whispered  
  
"Get over there and photo copy this thing! Like a hundred copies, move Icey!"  
  
"You're not helping that overgrown pile of ice cubes are you?" Wolvie asked from the other side of the door while trying to figure out a way to open it without clawing it to shreds and compromising the radiation barrier it provided.  
  
"Me? Help Bobby? Why never Wolvie."  
  
"All right kid, what do yo want?"  
  
"I want...a chance to beat up some baddies, back to back with the ever awesome Wolverine."  
  
"Jubes that could be dangerous--"  
  
"That's what I want or you get no photo."  
  
"All right. One night."  
  
"Yess! Just like the old days! Spark and Slash is back on the beat! Thanks Wolvie! You're the best, you know that?"  
  
"Jubes, the photo already. No trip till it's in my hands."  
  
"You got it Wolvester! Come here you little Frosty wannabe!" Jubes said loudly and dramatically. "Take that! And that! And one of those! And some of this!" Jubes paffed him good.  
  
"Oww! Jubes that really hurt! Where did you learn to do that? Oh, Emma, nevermind. Oww!"  
  
"Fork over that photo of my buddy!"  
  
"Jeez Jubes," Bobby said rubbing his icy behind. "All ya had to do was ask."  
  
"Hide the copies in your underwear." Jubes whispered.  
  
"Why there?"  
  
"Cuz Wolvie will never look there." she whispered.  
  
"Now you frozen freak! Into the radiation cell!"  
  
Bobby didn't move.   
  
"No really I mean it! Into the cell! It's the only way to fix the shrink radiation I've exposed you to while fighting you for this photo of Wolvie that I never saw and still refuse to look at! Into the cell."  
  
As she was shutting the door Bobby said, "Do you REALLY think he bought that mumbo jumbo you were blurting out back there?"  
  
"Does it matter? Unlike you, he won't kill ME, Bobster."  
  
"Hurry up in there darlin'. You know the mall closes in 2 hours. Not that I care, but I can think of a certain little firecracker who does."  
  
"Just lemme check and make sure the suit is fully closed so I don't shrink you again. OK." Jubes said and opened the door. When Wolvie came in she handed him the photo with her eyes closed and her arm fully extended.  
  
Wolvie eyed her askance and with one hell of a Wolverine smirk. Something was up and he knew it. And as soon as he spotted the photocopier by Hank's desk he figured it out. "Thanks darlin'." He said as he reached for the blowtorch.   
  
"Mall now?" Jubes asked tugging on Wolvie's jeans.  
  
He reached down and patted her waist high head. "Right after I check on the little wife."  
  
Jubes laughed. "The LITTLE wife! That's a good one." 


End file.
